Enotel Lido Madeira

Staff on check out was friendly, explained that even though we were no longer wearing our wristbands, we had access to lunch and drinks before we left. Nice little promenade walk when you leave the hotel through the pool-side entrance. Shampoo, body wash and lotion, soap etc provided. No conditioner. Drinks (pepsi, 7-up, briska and water) in fridge, part of all-inclusive and topped up when finished.

Grumpy male staff member checked us in - not a great first impression. Had blue plastic wristbands placed on us which were really tacky. Saw others wearing white or gold wristbands, just made me feel like we were cattle. You are told you can book the Italian/Madeiran/Japanese restaurant during your stay, you are not told to do this ASAP as they book up very quickly, therefore we were unable to visit any of them. Wanted to book a couples massage on a Friday and were told this is only on a Sunday - we were leaving on Saturday. Wanted to book any other massage - were told there was nothing available until Sunday. All inclusive "snacks" consisted of stodgy pizza, chips, chicken nuggets, cakes, salad - looked mostly like a school dinner. There were no actual snack foods available i.e crisps, popcorn, chocolate, biscuits, pretzels etc. No tea or coffee facilities in room. No room service available - not very 5 star at all. Towels in bathroom were harsh and rough, not good quality. Shower door had no sealant on the bottom so water would leak out onto the floor every time. Toilet paper was absolutely rubbish, so thin I could see my hand through it. I buy better quality toilet paper for my home! No slippers or spa/swimming towels in room, lady from spa had to contact housekeeping about it. Most furniture was old and dated. Breakfast was okay. Lunch was bland. Dinner was full of fish so overcooked it was hard. Food is not labelled adequately and does not pay attention to allergies or dietary requirements. It was often mis-labelled or not labelled at all. An omelette I ate ended up having ham in it - not suitable for my vegetarian diet at all and made me feel sick - this was not labelled as having ham in. This is a hotel where the elderly come to stay for a month or more on repeated visits - therefore most staff paid more attention to the "regulars", even bringing their buffet food to the table for them.